One of the things that really annoys me as a feminine 'strait looking' lesbian, is the constant ''actually I'm gay'' that comes out of my mouth as soon as a conversation with strangers turns to sex and relationships. It has the disadvantage of showing me people's true opinions. Not being 'obviously' gay, the person I am talking to has no time to put of the mask of tolerance and acceptance I see my more boi-ish lesbian friends get. They know that they are talking to a lesbian, or at least suspect it, so are mentally prepared to hide their real opinion to save offending the lesbian.
Then of course there's the stupid looks and comments that follow. Shock will cross some people's faces, almost as if I'd just informed them that I smoke crack. Some, mostly guys, get a kind of weird smirk and I know damn well they are now picturing me in some porn situation, long fingernails and matching underwear to boot (never a reality.. I'm a mother). Some look dumbfounded, I may have just confessed to those that I am an intergalactic time traveller from another dimension. And to be fair some just give a nod of acknowledgement that their prefixes with me must be feminine ie, I have a wife not a husband, a gf not a bf.
Ohhh and the comments.. They drive me insane.. You don't look gay. Well really, please tell me what gay looks like.. Portia De Rossi? *smirks and waits for the penny to drop* Ohh you mean I don't look like a boy or shy away from pink things, dresses or make up. Because of course women only do those things to look good for men to find them attractive, a lesbian wouldn't need to do that would she...
When did you decide to be a lesbian?.. Umm never made a decision about that, when did you decide to be strait?
But you have a child! Yes I do, and her other Mom and I are very proud of her..
But how did you conceive her.. She must have a father... Really? I mean really? Would you even consider asking any other woman that question? Would you dismiss a woman's husband as father to her children if he weren't the biological father?
A butch or boi-ish woman will never know the pure frustration of the never ending constant almost compulsory need to come out to others. You wear the 'uniform of the lesbian'. There's no need to come out because your manner says it all for you. Us femmes on the other hand, we get accused of being fake lesbians, bisexual, confused, damaged by bad men, or else generally interrogated on subjects that people wouldn't even consider asking a strait or obviously gay woman.
And of course, there's the pervy men. The ones who are convinced one night will turn us, or that because we are femme like the girls in all the porn they like, we're up for threesomes and other general 'loose' behaviour. No sir I do not want to have sex with your gf or mine while you watch, would you like my big bear gay man friend to watch you? Didn't think so.
All this because we are who we are. I like girly things. I like sparkles and cute things that make me say awwww. I like putting on a pretty dress and some make up and feeling good in myself. Just like many of my friends like putting on their jeans and baseball caps and feeling good in their skin.
Just because I am a lesbian doesn't mean I'm not girly. So to anyone who assumes sexuality based on looks. Maybe next time don't presume long hair and a skirt means there's a bf at home.. There could well be a gf.
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