U-Hauling

So I'm idly scrolling through the many facebook groups I am in and I notice a post in one of the lesbian groups. A picture of two women holding a small child entitled, me and my new gf. It is followed by some drivel about how this women is the most wonderful amazing blah blah blah etc, we've ALL seen them.

Now you may be reading this thinking gosh what a cynic. And you could be right. A little background on that picture first. The woman who posted has within the past year had 2 boyfriends and this is the third girlfriend. Each and every one has been the new love, the greatest thing. Until a few months later when she has gotten to know them. Then it all goes to hell in a handbasket.

I know this post is entitled U-hauling and that's often associated with lesbains. But really bi women and strait women are guilty of this too. Moving way too fast to successfully create a healthy relationship. Lesbians just seem to do it more obviously than other women. And I just have to ask.. Where the hell is the fire? Why are people in such a rush to 'find the perfect relationship'. When in fact it isn't something you find but something you create.

First you really need to get to know that person who's ass you think the sun shines out of. For one simple reason. People lie. They hide all the ugly crap, the issues, the dysfunction, they lie and hide and present themselves as being perfect. They want to impress you so they will tell you what they think you want to hear. I'm not talking a few days of chatting.. I mean take your time and give it months. No sex involved. Just seeing how you and that person interact. Believe it or not that is what you'll be doing most of the time in a relationship. You need to give it time for the initial wow you're amazing to wear off a little, for the normal routine to kick in. To see if the 50 texts a day are part of your individual interaction or it's just an intense getting to know you period.

Second.. Why oh why do you have to move in with each other within weeks or months of dating? Why oh why do you talk of marriage within the first year? Again.. Where the hell is that friggin fire? Two lives take time to merge properly, you can't just throw two worlds together and expect it to all be ok.. And why, please someone tell me why. After all that rushing to grab what you think is perfect, do people walk so easily from everything they claimed to want.. Ohhh that's right, it turned out it wasn't what they wanted didn't it?

So we end up with a group of women who bounce from one relationship to another, always looking for that perfect fix, that one true love. But never finding it because they aren't putting in the time and effort it takes to MAKE a great relationship, there's often kids involved who never really get a true look at stability and who learn by example to demand immediate perfection and walk when they don't get it.. Or worse, kids who demand instant gratification with no regard to the needs of others.

We end up with a load of cynics more interested in sex than love. We end up with an entire community of women being laughed at and mocked because a great number among them have slept with half their friends and average at least 3 partners per year. No wonder people question whether I'm really a lesbian when they find out not one of my friends has bedded me and of the four relationships I have had since I was 15, not one has had me hiring a u-haul.

Honestly ladies, If they are the one, they'll be happy to give you and them the extra time.. Why not take every precaution to make sure a relationship gets the best start and for goodness sakes change those expectations of instant real lasting love with little to no work. You are not Cinderella, get off your ass and work at it like Grandma did.